I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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