I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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