Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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