she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
