That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
