i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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