So drunk its hurt
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
