You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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