WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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