Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
