my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
