But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
