what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
