I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
