I got chris browned last night
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
