everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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