GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
