ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
