i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you win again, gameday.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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