So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
