Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize