Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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