I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
