..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize