I got chris browned last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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