Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
