I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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