lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
