just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
smell my finger.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
