the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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