bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
