Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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