im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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