and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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