I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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