dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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