I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
