think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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