I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
