I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
nutella sex= disaster
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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