so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
