I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
