I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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