Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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