she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
