i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you mean i was at the winter classic?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
