when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
