so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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