Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
