i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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