Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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