He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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