Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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