o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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