what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
