I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
