I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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